Tznius - Being Yourself

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Teaching Materials

Tznius - Being Yourself

Learn how innocent self-expressions can mold your entire self-conception.
by Rabbi Nachum Braverman
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Goal: Explain the mitzvah of tznius.

Secondary Goal: Highlight for people that they don't want to be seen as their bodies, because they know the more important aspect of themselves is something more intimate and private. 

Tertiary Goal: Provide the class with the tools to think independently, and maintain its independence in social/group settings. 

Beginning to learn: Ask someone to read aloud Genesis 2,25--4,1.

    1. Point out that the Torah seems to make a very big deal of their nakedness: First it says that they weren't ashamed by being naked. As soon as they eat their immediate reaction is to clothe themselves. In response to G-d's question, "where are you," Adam's speaks of being naked. G-d questions him about his nakedness, and at the end of the story G-d clothes them.

Ask them: Why do you think such a big deal is made of this? What is the significance of being clothed or naked? "Is there anything wrong with being naked or is it just a social thing?

This should get them talking. They will almost certainly say that nakedness is just a social thing; that people are uptight about the body; that clothes are for protection from the elements etc.

(Someone will point out that savages in the jungle don't wear clothes. This is called "the primitive tribe argument (PTA), i.e. whatever you say might not be true because there are primitive tribes who . . ." The answer to PTA is "since we have no savages from Borneo here to explain how they feel about their lives and why they act as they do, let's just talk about ourselves.")

    1. Ask your class: "Are you more yourself at a party or alone with one person you love?"

Everyone will say with one person they love.
Point out to them further: Isn't there a special intimacy talking to someone alone in the dark when you can't see each other at all?

Ask them: "Why is it that there's more intimacy alone, in private, in the dark?"
The answer is obvious and will be so to them as well: a) There are fewer distractions, b) we're less self-conscious, and so more willing to let our true selves show.

Emphasize back to them what they said: Privacy gives us the freedom to be ourselves (maintain our individuality) in social situations.  Increased individuality does not stifle relationships.  It promotes true intimacy between people.

    1. Ask them: What is it about the way others see us that interferes with our ability to be ourselves?

They will say that we're afraid of what others will think of us, they won't like us etc. Acknowledge the truth of this and suggest that there is another dimension as well:

Others view of us defines our view of ourselves.

Illustrations: a. With some of my friends I'm loud and rowdy, with some quiet and thoughtful etc. It's hard to be different from the way people expect you to be. b. If your mother continues to see you as a child it makes it hard not to act childish around her. c. Torah has a mitzvah not to remind someone of past mistakes because if you insist on seeing someone a certain way it makes it hard for them to be different from that.

Summarize the point: Part of the reason that it's hard to be ourselves in public is because we are actually transformed by the way other people see us.  

4.  Ask your class: What part of who we are is most obvious to other people?
Our bodies are the most obvious part of who we are, visible to everyone.
Illustrations: He's the short guy, she's the girl with the long brown hair...
Ask your class: If people could only see you but couldn't talk to you do you think they'd have a good idea of who you are? Would they be able to know you well? Would they know the part of you that you consider most important about yourself? What do you consider the most important part of who you are?

Because the answer is obvious the answer is rhetorical. Let them say it anyway so they take responsibility for it: Of course people wouldn't know the most important part of you if they only saw your body. People consider the most important aspect of who they are to be their non-material dimension: Their hopes, aspirations, dreams, and fears.
Ask them: When you feel that all people see about you is your body how do you feel about that?

Again the question is rhetorical. Let them answer it anyway.
They hate it, and it makes them feel terrible.

Illustration: Women feel the burden of this most. Even if they feel good about their bodies, which most women don't, they suffer the indignity of harassment. More importantly, almost all women are obsessed about their weight, agonize about dieting, etc. Invite them to speculate with you about how freeing it would be to live in a world in which no one paid attention to they way anyone else looked.)

Make the point slowly and emphatically: What we've found is that it is difficult to be ourselves, to be independent, if we allow other people to size us up.  Privacy is the most powerful defense.  Because we do not want to see ourselves as bodies, part of that privacy is focusing other people's attention off of our bodies.    

  1.  Return to Adam and Eve and explain:
    1. Adam and Eve initially considered their bodies to be transparent vehicles for their souls.  They had no sense that their bodies could mislead them, so they had no self-consciousness about them.
    2. Their bodies mislead them--lead them to disobey G-d, to ignore a part of themselves--an inner part--which was important to them. They were ashamed of themselves.

Illustration: If you feel your passions have lead you to act badly--to use someone for your physical pleasure for example or to lose your temper and hurt them, you feel ashamed.
c.  They clothe themselves to diminish their identification with their own bodies.
6.  Tell them: Torah has a mitzvah called tznius: privacy.
The mitzvah of privacy means live in a way that a) permits us to be ourselves in social situations (i.e. – groups) by getting us out of the public eye, b) keeps the question of who we are in our own private domain, c) gets the attention of ourselves and of others off of our physical bodies so that we can focus on more intimate and more important aspects of who we are.

  1. Practical details
    1. Torah doesn't ask us to dress in a way that is ugly. It asks us to dress in a way which doesn't draw attention by being flamboyant or sexually provocative.
    2. Because privacy affects the way we look at ourselves, as well as the way we are seen by others, privacy in dress is appropriate even when we're alone. If you parade around unclad, you'll find it hard not to think of yourself as a body.
    3. In a marriage it is important for each spouse to be concerned about preserving the dignity of each other.
  • You are likely to be asked why there is a greater emphasis on tznius for women.
  • Emphasize clearly: Privacy is important for men as well as women. Once you have clearly made this point and you are sure it has been heard, you can proceed to answer the question. 
  • There is a greater emphasis privacy for women for two reasons:
  • Women are more likely than men to be identified with their bodies (both by themselves and by others.) The need is therefore greater to focus themselves and others off of their bodies.
  • Torah relies heavily on women to preserve the inner sense of identity, which is the soul of a family, and of a people.

 

Published: Monday, July 07, 2008

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Rabbi Nachum Braverman studied philosophy at Yale University. For many years he served as Educational Director of Aish HaTorah Los Angeles, and is now Executive Director of Aish HaTorah's Jerusalem Fund for the Western Region. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and children.