Teaching Materials
Shmooze
Teaching Materials
Can you love obnoxious people?
A child could be an absolute terror - he could spit on his parents, throw wet cereal in their faces, scribble on the walls - and they will still love him! If you were to tell them that their son is an uncontrollable menace, chances are they would respond, "Uncontrollable? Our son is just energetic! He's developing a dynamic and creative personality."
Most parents love their children no matter how obnoxious they are. Why? Because they focus on the good in their children. That is the secret to love.
A Jewish definition of love could be: the pleasure one experiences when recognizing the virtues of another person and identifying that person with those virtues. Love is a choice. Focus on the inner beauty of another and you will begin to love him. Focus on his flaws and you will dislike him.
In Jewish thought, love is an obligation. The Torah says, "love your neighbor like yourself." (Lev. 19:18) How can the Torah command an emotion? You either feel it or you don't.
Love is not a stroke of fate - a passing mood that you accidentally fall into (and just as easily fall out of). It is a result of the effort you put into appreciating another person's virtues. Since love is an action that is within our hands, it can be commanded.
We know we should love our brothers and sisters no matter how obnoxious they can get. We do it by seeing past the negative and recognizing their inner strengths. If we extend this process outside the family, where it doesn't come so naturally, we can learn to love anyone.
The key to loving people is getting to know their virtues. The better we know someone's virtues, the better we can love and appreciate who they are. To become a great lover, become a connoisseur of people. Learn to identify their qualities. That guy you find so obnoxious? List 20 positive things you see in him. Make lists for all your friends. It's worth the effort.
IN SUMMARY
- Love is the pleasure one experiences when recognizing the inner beauty of another person.
- Love is not an accident. It is a choice that is within our power. Focus on their virtues; you'll love them. Focus on their flaws; you'll dislike them.
- Appreciate a person's virtues and make an effort to look past his faults. You'll discover you can love even the most obnoxious person.
Excerpted from Shmooze: Thought Provoking Discusssion on Essential Jewish Issues.
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Rabbi Nechemia Coopersmith is the co-editor of Aish.com and director of Research and Development for Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem. He is the author of Shmooze: A Guide to Thought-Provoking Discussion on Essential Jewish Issues. |
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