kiruv.com

Visiting and learning in Israel is the most effective tool for education and outreach to young Jews.

We all know that sending unaffiliated Jews to Israel is the most effective tool there is to experience Torah in a new and fresh environment. We all know that going to Israel, learning in Israel, affords one the opportunity to see the beauty of Judaism and Torah in its natural setting. To see communities as enthusiastic and dedicated to a Jewish way of life as the ones in Israel, is a really inspirational experience and it burns a significant impression within a person to see something so beautiful and pure. What a trip to Israel can accomplish in a number of days, it could take a program in America months to years. Also, the fact that it is not in Israel significantly reduced the inspiration factor, and it's not as advantageous as a trip to Israel would be.

Once the student has decided to spend time learning in Israel, we can then use...

That's the goal; that's the mission statement... Studying at a Yeshiva or Seminary in Israel for the longest period possible is the one critical factor that will most likely determine whether or not a young Jew will ultimately acquire enough information decide whether or not to become observant.

Introduction:

It is a complex issue fraught with subtleties of reason and logic, reality versus individual perceptions, responsibility and choices... There must be a better way to effectively address any and all concerns or doubts on the part of the student.

This "how-to" manual is designed with only this one mission statement in mind. It is a practical guide for the kiruv professional to use in countering all the well-intentioned but misplaced, seemingly reasonable positions students will take in justifying their decision not to plan trips, or to stay in Israel for less time than they should, or to prematurely leave their yeshivas and seminaries and return to "the real world".

Why do we need such a guide? Simply because we have not been maximizing our opportunities...

We all know our objective. We know fully well (and experience has shown) that remaining in Israel studying at an appropriate yeshiva or seminary for a significant period of time is the single best thing a young Jew can do with his or her life, whether that entails building a close, personal relationship with Hashem, meeting one's bershert, learning how to be a better husband, wife, father, mother and, of course, a Jew...

But what about their priorities? The classic mistake most of us have been making is trying to reason with them based on our priorities, and not theirs. This kind of dialogue is problematic from the outset.

Let's instead refocus our approach to work with their priorities as friends and counselors. Let's show them demonstrably and conclusively that what we're offering will help them maximize their priorities.

Each applicant is asked to itemize the four most important priorities in life. These priorities typically range from discovering and learning about their Jewish roots to finding a mate, learning how to be a better husband or wife, establishing a lasting, intimate relationship with G-D, finishing college, attending graduate school and starting or continuing their careers-- all legitimate and important priorities.

The Four Priorities System provides the basis for maximizing the students' decision to learn in Israel or to lengthen his or her planned trip and to avoid prematurely leaving Yeshiva or Seminary.

We are not dealing with a random group. Since most of these students already have priorities that intrinsically require a longer stay, the logical reasons for extending their trip become even more compelling when discussing their original priorities when the time comes to decide whether to stay or not.

By consistently referring to the student's originally stated goals, the kiruv professional is not only validating the student's original priorities, but he (or she) now has the means to effectively dispel any and all claims put forth by the student's yetzer hora...

I. The Biggest Mistake We Can Make is to Not Maximize Their Time in Learning

As the following graph (and our own extensive experience and common sense would tell us), the longer young people remain studying in Yeshiva and Seminary the better their chances of understanding the need to build a lasting relationship with Hashem in order to maximize happiness, joy and meaning in their lives.

The following graph is based on data extrapolated from a 10-year study involving over 320 young people that have studied in Israel for varying amounts of time and then returned home:

II. Never Agree with Their Yetzer Hora; Point Out to Them that Everything after the "But" is Their Yetzer Hora Speaking.

Invariably, a sincere young person will always agree with the importance of any of his or her previously stated priorities -

"I know that I need to go (or stay) and study in Yeshiva (or Seminary) long enough to learn how to be a good husband (or wife), become a more knowledgeable Jew, have a better relationship with Hashem, etc., but-"

And there it is: the inevitable "but", which heralds the precise moment when a person's yetzer hora kicks in with well-intentioned, totally pragmatic "reasons" why going or planning a longer trip to study at Yeshiva or Seminary at this point in time is "impossible" because of - (fill in the blanks: school loans, credit card debt, the need to get on with a career, graduate school, car payments, etc.).

This automatic outpouring of the yetzer hora MUST be instantly dealt with. Quietly and patiently referring to the individual's original list of stated priorities, the now fully-prepared kiruv professional can simply respond with -

"I hear you, but please help me understand the inconsistency here. On one hand, you stated right on your list of priorities that learning how to be a good husband (or wife), etc. is one of your key priorities (or at least in the top two or three)... What I DON'T see anywhere on here is the goal to pay off your credit card debt. It's pretty clear that according to your priorities you should be staying at (or going to) Yeshiva or Seminary in Israel for a longer period of time.

Working with the protestations of a student's yetzer hora is an extremely delicate process, to say the least. In order to completely avoid embarrassing the student (hasfer Shalom), it takes a great deal of patience, tact, love and even a sprinkling of well-placed humor to effectively counter the "practical" reasons given for prematurely leaving the Yeshiva.

The key to success in dealing with this issue is validating the integrity of the yetzer hora. We point out that everything after the but or but equivalents (i.e. also, however, nevertheless etc.) is the yetzer hora. We also explain that the yetzer hora is a genius and will always give the best possible reason for not doing the right thing.

We can then with credibility, reinforce the student's understanding of the primacy of their four priorities to maximize the student of their chance for success.

It is, however, a process that, when followed correctly, will allow the student to highlight and understand the contradictions, inconsistencies and patently illogical "thought processes" that invariably go into making the decision to either plan a shorter trip or to prematurely shorten a stay at Yeshiva or Seminary.

III. Will Your Grandchildren be Jewish?

Generally speaking, this is not one of the prime motivators for a typical, young, secular person's considering becoming observant. But it must nonetheless be pointed out to anyone either planning a study trip or contemplating not learning for a sufficient period of time that an overwhelming body of evidence exists that clearly shows the starkly dwindling number of Jewish descendants a person will have as they move down the scale of religious observance. Descendants they will most definitely have, but within three generations, if these descendants will be praying at all, most will be praying in either churches or mosques.

IV. It's Hard to Believe that G-d Will Punish You By...

When they are already on their way to becoming observant, this response usually gets a hearty laugh and immediate agreement.

First, try to contain your secret amusement as you sit and gravely listen to their heartfelt "reasons" why they can not go, can not go for a longer time, or just have to leave the Yeshiva right now...

Then, after hearing all about their school loans and lapsed opportunities to become a junior loan officer at such-and-such bank, offer the pithy observation that—

"You know, it's hard for me to believe that G-d will actually punish you for either going to (or staying here in) Israel to learn by seriously derailing your career... That just doesn't seem like the kind of decision that portends Heavenly Retribution."

The immediate follow-up question to this observation would be to ask the student, "Do you really think it is somehow beyond G-d's capabilities to help you succeed in your chosen career after making the decision to go to or stay in Yeshiva or Seminary to learn more about G-d?"

V. The Harvard Story: Or, How to Turn a Perfectly Enlightened, Nobly Inspired, Divinity/Philosophy Curriculum into a Trade School

Founded in 1636, Harvard is America's oldest institution of higher learning. An early brochure, published in 1643, defined the College's mission statement thusly: "To advance Learning and perpetuate it to Posterity; dreading to leave an illiterate Ministry to the Churches."

So Harvard was very clearly founded in order to teach young people (okay, "men") exactly how the world works, what a person's place in that world is and how both that person and his world relate to G-d. One could, therefore, major in Divinity and minor in Philosophy, or vice versa. But those were his choices.

Today, the vast majority of colleges and universities have devolved into "liberal arts havens" or trade schools. The nature of the modern universities, and their students, foster and encourage an extraordinarily hedonistic world view, along with a false sense of entitlement.

stepping stone to career advancement. So how do we convince young people to take a semester, or a year, off to learn at a Yeshiva or Seminary (or to stay if already there) rather than to pursue that highly touted degree that most of today's college campuses are the very worst environments they could possibly wind up in?

Play school vs. trade school

The bottom line is, there's nothing wrong with attending college, providing the student knows precisely what he or she is there for. Dentists need to be educated, licensed and trained, as do lawyers, engineers and schoolteachers.

Their own priorities have already defined that it would be more optimal for the student to learn in Yeshiva or Seminary for as long as it takes to master the art of living first? When confronted with their priorities, they are far more likely to agree that it make more sense to accomplish, or be well on the way towards accomplishing, those four originally stated priorities.

The most persuasive element in showing the student's perceived need to prioritize a college or advanced degree is the fact that, invariably, the pursuit of a college degree will either be absent from the student's original list of priorities altogether, or will be a third or fourth priority.

The same process of decision making applies to those making priority-based post-college decisions.

VI. You need to Know the Basics to Become a Jewish
Husband/Wife/Father/Mother

It is a constant source of amazement to realize that in most states, you cannot legally work as a barber or hairstylist without prior formal training followed by a state-granted license, but any two people can legally get married by simply filling out a three-minute form and saying, "I do".

As a result, what is decidedly not amazing, is that over 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. It is also sadly clear that many of those who stay married are not particularly happy in their marriages. Therefore, on a pragmatic level, learning how to be a good husband, wife, and parent would seem to be the extremely prudent course of action.

But that is still not the primary motivation for studying in Yeshiva or Seminary. In our Torah-based world, fulfilling G-d's mitzvoth within the sanctity of marriage is a couple's highest purpose. For both men and women, marriage is literally the single most significant pathway to Hashem.

The process of learning how to be a good spouse or parent based on Torah values cannot be truncated. To be sure, becoming a good souse is a lifetime endeavor. But we can all at least agree that a long period of study is a healthy beginning. We can also agree that next to any other goal, whether stated or unstated, becoming a better husband or wife should be at the very top of the list.

VII. Dating: The Grim Statistics

With the possible exception of global, thermonuclear war, "dating" has to be the single most insidious and destructive enterprise ever unleashed on otherwise well-intentioned men and women. This particular minefield of a topic is so infused with anxiety, desperation, heartache and outright deception, that proceeding without a solidly entrenched value system is tantamount to psychological suicide.

So, let's cautiously proceed with the student's stated agreement at the outset that Torah-based guidelines for finding a shidduch are definitely the way to go, and together consider the following, compelling odds - most have already experienced and agree that:

• In North America, 85-90% of all dates are not marriage prospects
• We can reliably inform them that in Israel, 85-90% of all dates are marriage prospects

Further, women know that in the secular world, men either don't want to get married and are dating for recreational purposes only, or, they claim that they want to get married in, say, 5-10 years (with indefinite extensions), which means forever. So, since everyone would agree that finding one's bershert is like looking for a needle in a haystack, why not confine one's search to Israel (the needle factory)?

It is definitely true in dating that the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time out.

Convincing the student to climb off the dating treadmill and go to or remain in Yeshiva or Seminary long enough to master at least the basics of finding and discerning one's bershert is, once again, a function of properly comparing and contrasting the student's originally stated goals with his or her present mindset.

For women in particular we always have and show them engagement and wedding pictures from past students we helped decide to go or stay for a longer period of time.

VIII. College Debt, Credit Card Debt and Other Financial Concerns

This one needs to be handled carefully (as all these issues do), since we are all in agreement that debt is a very serious issue, and that the repayment of it is both a moral as well as a legal obligation.

With that being said, there are a number of very responsible approaches one can take alleviate the stress and anxiety that debt of any size is capable of inducing.

A good first step is to formally acknowledge a debt to the lending party, and then arrange, or attempt to arrange, an equitable repayment schedule. As long as the lender appreciates a borrower's sincerity, there is every reason to suspect that a very modest monthly payment would suffice. In addition, with proper skill and planning, many apartment and car leases and sub-leases can be re-worked to accommodate an individual's desire to go to, or to remain in, Israel studying in a yeshiva or seminary.

The Decision Paper

In cases where the student still can not make up their mind, the decision paper is often a decisive factor.

Step 1) We suggest that the student make a list of all the reasons to attend or not attend and/or attend for longer or shorter periods of time and then we will discuss their list. We emphasize it has to be THEIR LIST.

Step 2) The student then needs to prioritize the reasons. Not every reason weighs the same.

Step 3) Review the list with them. We can generally point out to them that most of the reasons to go to learn, go for a longer period of time, or stay for a longer period of time are positive life changing reasons. Most of the reasons to the contrary are temporary and solvable issues.

As stated at the outset, this brief manual of instructions for the kiruv professional is intended to effectively address most of the excuses the student is liable to come up with in his or her determination to decide not to study in Israel, or, if there already, prematurely leave the yeshiva or seminary. And although this manual is by no means 100% complete, it is still incumbent on the part of the kiruv professional utilize everything in his or her power to achieve the goal of sending or keeping the student in Yeshiva or Seminary for as long as possible. Sadly, our own vast body of experience tells us that very little else works as well.

Richard Horowitz
Los Angeles, CA