While the non-observant person may intellectually perceive Judaism as positive, various emotional blocks may be holding him back from getting involved.

In order to help people grow, it is critical to expose the fallacies that cause them to limit their involvement with Judaism. We have identified four common areas of difficulty and formulated approaches to overcome them.

A. THE PERCEPTION:

If I were to become "religious," I would have to give up some of life's most cherished pleasures. Why would I choose to do that (especially if I'm already happy with my life...)?

Step 1: Correct the Mistake

You must reassure the non-observant person that becoming frum does not mean giving up pleasure. Quite the contrary. In Judaism, we are encouraged to marry, have children, eat, drink and take pleasure in the world around us. Jewish tradition places great emphasis on "simcha" -- joy -- and on the abundant opportunities for celebration. Our holiday gatherings are replete with good food, song, dance and exuberant rejoicing.

G-d created the entire world for our pleasure. Just as parents want only the best for their children, so does our Father in Heaven want only the best for us.

That is why He gave us the Torah.

Imagine someone giving you a state-of-the-art food processor, with a whole variety of gadgets and features that let you prepare exquisite dishes with ease and efficiency. If you ignore the instruction manual and never learn how to use the various features, or worse, if you merely use the machine as a paperweight, your enjoyment of it will be extremely limited. You will spend most of your time doing boring tasks that could be done for you. You will only be using a fraction of this valuable gift's potential.

G-d wants us to travel through life with a first class ticket. He gave us an instruction manual (the Torah) to show us how to get the most out of life; how to use everything in the world for maximum pleasure (Taanis 11a, Tanna D'bei Eliyahu 14).

Becoming observant doesn't mean giving up pleasure. Just the opposite. Without Torah, one cannot truly experience all of life's pleasures. In giving up illusions for real pleasure, the opportunities to "have it all" are expanded beyond computation. All one has to "give up" is the notion that physical pleasure is the only real pleasure people desire.

(Incidentally, Chazal tell us that G-d created a "kosher" equivalent to everything the Torah proscribes (Chulin 109b). There is, indeed, no pleasure in life that cannot be obtained in a Jewish way.)

Step 2: Explain How the Misconception Arose

Many people unknowingly attribute certain "Christian" concepts to Judaism, since their impressions of Judaism have been formed in a society which is predominantly Christian. In reality, Judaism and Christianity are worlds apart. Celibacy and asceticism are Christian concepts. Judaism categorically rejects the view that abstinence from physical pleasures is necessary in order to acquire spirituality.

B. THE PERCEPTION:

Orthodox Jews look down on us. They don't respect us as Jews. We're not good people in their eyes, because we don't keep the rituals as they do.

Step 1: Correct the Mistake

Judaism teaches that only G-d can judge people (Avos 2:5). All we can judge are specific actions: it is wrong to murder, it is wrong to steal. But we have no way of knowing which Jew is better than another or which Jew is more beloved by G-d.

There's an old saying, "It's not where you are on the ladder; it's how many rungs you have climbed." It is possible that one deed performed by a secular Jew could have more merit in G-d's eyes than 100 mitzvos done by a person who started out observant.

Torah law itself shows us this.

One Jew cannot kill another to save his own life - even if that other Jew is a thief, a drug addict or a murderer.

The principle behind this, says the Talmud, is that we do not know "whose blood is redder" (Pesachim 25b). We cannot judge the value of another Jew.

If you want to be successful in Kiruv, you must reassure people, through your words, attitude and tone of voice, that you do not look down on them and that you are not judging them. When someone tells you, "I'm a good Jew at heart," he is often in need of reassurance that you respect him despite any objections you may have to his lifestyle.

Step 2: Explain How the Misconception Arose

Condescending attitudes are not unique to Orthodox Jews. They exist across the entire religious spectrum and derive from the human need to be "right." It is a common defense reaction to look down on those whose beliefs are not your own. It may exist where people do not feel confident that they have a belief that will stand up to scrutiny. This syndrome can be found in secular, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jews. Those who believe they have religious license to devalue other people for any reason have a skewed understanding of Judaism. Plain and simple.

At the same time, however, being an open-minded person does not mean that one accepts every opinion without investigation. It simply indicates a willingness to listen to any argument based on logic and evidence. One cannot condemn Orthodox Jews for holding to their convictions, provided a) those beliefs are based on investigation and reason, and b) that they do not denigrate those who do not share those beliefs.

Only G-d knows the potential and trials of each individual, and only He can judge the level of righteousness of a human being. Only G-d knows exactly how many rungs of the ladder each of us has ascended.

C. THE PERCEPTION:

If I find out Torah is true, I'll have to keep it all. I'll never be able to do that, so why start in the first place?

Step 1: Correct the Mistake

This attitudes implies that unless one keeps the entire Torah, it is not worthwhile doing just one mitzvah.

This is fallacy.

One mitzvah has infinite value. Even if all you can do is one mitzvah, you will gain something eternal, something more worthwhile than anything else in this world. For example, King Eglon, an evil man, merited giving birth to Ruth, the mother of the Davidic dynasty , because he stood up to give honor to G-d.(Rus Rabba 2).

If you stumble across a gold mine, would you refuse to take the gold simply because you won't find all the gold mines in the world? That one mine alone will make you a rich man for life!

A mitzvah is a gold mine. It will enrich your life immeasurably. Even if you do just one.

What invariably happens, though, is that after a non-observant person does one mitzvah, he finds it easier to take on another and another. Once the door to a relationship with G-d is opened, the strength to continue follows.

Step 2: Explain How the Misconception Arose

The "all or nothing" view is not Jewish. It typifies Christian theology, in which "believing in Jesus" is the sole criterion for admission to Heaven. Without that, a lifetime of good deeds does not make an individual worthy of reward.

In Judaism, every mitzvah is intrinsically meaningful, and every deed will be rewarded, regardless of what percentage of the entire Torah is upheld.

The notion: "If I can't keep the whole Torah, I'm a failure," is also mistaken. Many people have internalized the Western definition of success, which takes the "all or nothing" approach: If I don't succeed, I have, by definition, failed. Effort and growth are irrelevant.

Judaism begins with the premise that "Ain tzaddik ba'aretz asher ya'aseh tov v'lo yecheta." - "There is no righteous person that does only good and does not err" (Koheles 7:20). There is no one who will be able to accomplish it all; every human being is fallible.

Success, in Jewish terms, means growth and effort. A person who makes a sincere attempt is a spiritual success, regardless of what he actually accomplishes - and he should take pleasure in that success. On the other hand, a person who has a brilliant mind and so does not need to exert himself to learn, may not be a success in spiritual terms, even though he easily absorbs thousands of pages of Talmud.

Don't worry that you're watering down Judaism by advising non-observant Jews to take on one mitzvah at a time. Declaring that certain mitzvos are no longer binding or obligatory would be watering down Judaism. What you're doing, however, is simply employing a technique to help the person along the road to mitzvos. We are in no way suggesting that the other mitzvos are not obligatory. Instead, we are encouraging the person to fulfill at least some of his obligations, even if he can't fulfill them all at this time.

D. THE PERCEPTION:

I don't want to start learning, because if I learn and don't observe, it'll be worse than if I had remained uneducated.

Step 1: Correct the Mistake

When a person begins to learn, he is taking the first step in acknowledging a relationship with G-d, his Father in Heaven. Making this first "connection" is, in and of itself, inestimably valuable. Even if fears or hesitations prevent him from doing any of the mitzvos, he is definitely at a greater level than if he did not acknowledge his Creator at all.

Second, the most important study anyone can engage in is the study of life itself. A person who understands more about life is certainly better off than one who knows little. "Toras Chaim," as we refer to our Torah, means "Instructions for Life." By deepening our understanding of the Torah, our daily lives are enriched and our vision of life is expanded - even if we never actually become observant.

Step 2: Explain How the Misconception Arose

If we compare our relationship with G-d, our Father in Heaven, to our relationship with our parents, the fallacy in this rationalization becomes apparent.

If your father gave you an assignment that you did not feel like doing, which response do you think he would prefer?

"Dad, I want to listen to you but I am just not up to doing it right now,"

or,

"You're not my father! You have no right to ask anything of me! I don't want any relationship or involvement with you. Goodbye!"

Any parent would rather be in touch with his child, even if that child is disobedient, because the alternative - being cut off - is far worse than any amount of disobedience. As long as the channels of communication are open, there is still a chance of improving the relationship.

Chazal tell us that Torah learning is greater than all other mitzvos, because learning leads to action and action leads to change (Rambam, Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:3). Learning about G-d and initiating even a minimal relationship with Him, is of critical importance for every Jew, even if he does not commit yet to keeping the whole Torah in a tangible way. Having a relationship with G-d is the Jew's first step toward immortality. There can be no greater loss than closing the door on this priceless opportunity. Furthermore, Chazal teach us mitzvah goreres mitzvah. If we start him on the path, the Torah itself will draw him closer to observance.